Really Old News
Last updated Monday, June 05, 2000 06:57:05
As promised, here is the next instalment of Timmo's Thrifty Travel Tours with special thanks to our Sydney based Airport taxi service, Horton's Limos...
Auckland
Having returned fresh and alert from visiting David and Maree down in Geelong (not) we set out on the next leg of our tour to New Zealand. Luis and Toni had kindly invited us to stay at their place and duly proved to be the perfect hosts providing us with plenty of booze and pornos! Auckland has a lot in common with Sydney and everything around the harbour has a familiar feel with the bridge and tower and the general layout of the place being not dissimilar.
We spent 3 days at Whangamatta (pronounced Fongamataaaaa) which is about 2 hours from Auckland on the East Coast. We stayed in a batch (beach house) owned by a some of Luis's friends, Bobbi and (oh buggar, I can't remember his name for the life of me), who were a really great couple. We didn't do too much really, a bit of walking on the fantastic beach and a fair bit of eating, drinking and resting. Before heading back to Auckland I gave Luis and Toni a special insight into my character by a fart lighting performance. The strange thing was they seemed very impressed and urged me to wake them up and let them know if I had another one ready to let rip in the night. Trying to do this to order is not a good idea as I very nearly drew mud when trying to strain one out. Back in Auckland the guys had to go to work so Jackie and I had a mosey round Auckland. They were just winding down the Americas Cup celebrations so there was still a fair bit happening around the city and there was plenty to see. We had a good night out a local comedy club with a Cockney compere and a couple of lesbians in the crowd who were oblivious to the acts and were virtually in each others knickers. Disgraceful, I very nearly complained to the management. We had a great week in Auckland and (if you read this) thanks very much Luis and Toni, I hope we keep in touch.
The Red Center
Not very much later was our trip to The Red Center, very kindly organised by Rod and Jode. We took very early Ansett flights to Alice Springs via Melbourne, Perth and Darwin (well it bloody well felt like it). There was 10 of us in all, ourselves, Rod, Jode, his parents Bob and Carmen, Mark the firey and Louise and Mick and Yyvone, a very mixed bunch ranging in age from 29 to about 127 (sorry Bob). First stop was Alice Springs for less than a day, in fact I think we were there perhaps too long. I'm not quite sure why anybody actually does goes to this 'half horse' town unless its to see the herds of roaming Abo's consuming rocket fuel in dried up river beds whilst devouring the leftovers of unsuspecting tourists who had nodded off with the excitement of the place. So where do you go for the night when your deep in the outback, of course, its the local 5 star Casino to get merrily sloshed. Next day (bright and too bloody early again) we picked up our turbo nutter bastard hire cars and gently motored down to Kings Canyon about 300+ km away. The car had a neat little device that bleeped if you went over a certain speed, unfortunately the highest it would let you set it as was 195kmh. So most of our journey was full of bleeps. Not surprisingly you might think we did have a too close encounter with a rather large Wedged Tail Eagle who was happily munching on some road kill. Oh well, they do say you are what you eat and he very soon became just that. He did try to take evasive action but unfortunately his direction of retreat was in exactly the same direction that I was going, so 200kmh car versus 20kmh bird = big splat. Kings Canyon was very impressive, we went straight into a 3 hour climb/trek and I got absolutely knackered after about the first 5 minutes. There were some great views and a hidden oasis deep down on the Canyon floor, I really liked this place. I had another bird encounter when Rod was videoing what looked to be a rather boring scene of two birds sat in a tree doing nothing. I suggested that If they were to fly away it would add some action to the shot. I picked up a stone to throw into the branches to hurry them on their way. One of them took off quite nicely and the other seemed to fly in a sort of downward direction without flapping its wings. Not sure what could have caused this. Checking in at the resort we found a strange man in our very standard room and got upgraded to a rather nice suite with a spa. That night involved.....wait for it.....loads of beer. They have a 2 litre bottle of beer here called the Darwin Stubby which is reputed to be the largest commercial beer bottle in the world. So we had the odd one or seven of those and the evening ended with rod dancing on the table and him and Mark trying to 'double doogey' a passing backpacker. The evening was finished off by a quite remarkable display of multi coloured projectile vomiting from Mrs T. I don't know some people will just drink far too much. The next day we were on the road again down to Ayers Rock (another 300+km) which we knocked off in about an hour and half. We were staying at Sails in the Desert which was a very classy place on a purpose built resort village. That afternoon we headed for the Rock, which really is bloody impressive. Decisions then had to be made of who was going to climb it. Jackie, having been half way up it before made a minor effort and sensibly decided that a spot of sunbathing and chatting to everyone coming down was more her style. There is a chain half way up that sort of assists you but I think it was more to stop you getting blown off although the conditions we had were perfect. After about 20 minutes of a very steep climb/crawl/rest my calf muscles were exploding and I realised that this was certainly no easy task. Also I wanted to punch all those cocky gits on their way down who were merrily spouting 'you've done the hard bit now.' Second base camp was set up about three quarters of the way up where we regrouped (Rod, Jode, Louise, Mick and myself) deciding whether it was really worth doing the last bit. Collective spirit drove us on and the last section across the top was not that bad. We reached the highest point to find a little brick column with a metal plate on it, I thought the least they'd have would be a bar. I should have mentioned earlier that the Aborigines apparently do not like you climbing the Rock (not that we saw any of this) and that you would be cursed. I'm not sure what sort of curse I've got on me now but I'm sure its a bit worse than your normal Rock Climb Curse as I unfortunately got caught a bit short and had to have a pee up there. We felt very pleased with ourselves for doing the climb as it is no easy feat but the effort exerted displayed itself with everyones lack of energy that night. Early to bed. The next morning we took a helicopter flight from the Rock over to the Olgas with Cartman and Bob. Never having been in one before this was a great experience.That afternoon we did another hike round the Olgas which is another set of monoliths. Again fantastic and inspiring scenery combined with a healthy amount of exercise. That night was our 'Sounds of Silence' meal, or Dinner in the Dirt as Jode liked to call it. This consisted of being bussed into the outback to watch the sunset over the Rock whilst sipping champagne. A sumptuous bbq of emu, croc and roo and plenty of vino put everyone in a jolly mood. Some chap then appeared out of the bush gave us a little didger on his doo and then hopped off again. Then came the 'Sound of Silence' as the organisers blew out all the candles and recited a poem afterwhich he asked us to sit and contemplate the silence. As soon as he had finished reciting the only silence we could hear was that of a 747 taking off from the nearby airport. Then came a very 'up herself' astronomer who used a super powerful torch to point out the major constellations like biffo the bear and corky the cat. She then gave a big build up to pointing out the center of the universe and attempted to direct her torch at a spot low on the horizon but only proceeded in pointing it straight between Marks' eyes who nearly fell off his chair in a blind stupor. Mark shall now be forever known as the 'Center of the Universe' (Although Louise said that this was nothing new). Of course I did my wise arse Pommy thing by asking the woman to point out the North Star, there bitch, get out of that one then. Home the next day after what was a great trip, thanks Rod and Jode for organising it.
Port Douglas
At last home for a bit of a rest, but no. A recent phone call By Jackie to her mum discussing the fact that she had a few days left before she retired, (Jean that is, not Jackie, who has been retired for some time now) spawned the idea that Jean she come to visit us. The next day the tickets were booked and I knew then that the up coming week of offs was destined for travel. And so it was, Far North Queensland here we come. Jean arrived on the Monday and we had her back on the plane again on Wednesday flying with us to Cairns, bound for Port Douglas. We stayed at the Port Douglas Reef Club, which I'd thoroughly recommend and the place itself is great. The first night was just down the pub to catch the second State Of Origin Rugby League match (for the Poms who read this, that is NSW v Queensland in what is probably the biggest sporting event in the Oz year). There was a great atmosphere and at the start of the evening Jean knew nothing of Rugby League or the NSW-QLD rivalry, but by the end she was cheering along, shouting at the tele and singing 'whose the bastard in the black' with the rest of us. At the start of this trip Jean had an unbendable rule about alcohol, it was 'I don't want to be bad'. Since she never really defined what bad was I took it as a personal challenge to get her sloshed every night. Not wishing to put a slight on Jeans' impeccable reputation I'll let you guess how it went. The next day was spent on beautiful Four Mile Beach with an evening on the beer.Jean said 'I don't want to be bad'. The following day we went on a trip with another very nice English couple to and a guide to the Daintree Rain Forest. First up was a trip along the river where we saw wild crocs and numerous endangered birds (Great Billed Heron for any Ornys out there). Lunch was taken after a trek through the forest in search of the elusive Cassowary (large emu type bird). The forest is quite spectacular, like nothing else I've ever seen. We took a quick dip in one of the forest creeks after being assured that although crocs had been seen in it some time ago there were none there now. A very quick swim that was. On to Cape Tribulation and another fantastic beach and then back for another evening on the beer. Jean said 'I don't want to be bad'. There was a 3 day Carnivale on in the town which made the whole place a lot more lively than it would probably normally be. Next we had a day trip to the outer edges of the Great Barrier Reef for a bit of snorking. Now Jean had not done this before and was a little worried but came through with flying colours. If there had been an Olympic event for Singles Ocean Swallowing I think the UK would have a certain Gold with Jean. She was OK at first but then got some water in the nose area of the mask. 'Breathe through your mouth' I hear you say, not our Jean, a big intake of ocean for her. Now, 'breathe through your mouth' I hear you say, nope not for Jean. Whilst inhaling water through her nose she then decided to let in some through her mouth as well. 'Get your head above the water' I here you cry, not for Jeanie, water coming in through mouth and nose she decided that sinking would be healthier. Sense prevailed after a bit of life saving from Jackie when Jean saw the light and ripped the whole gear of her head and decided that she no longer required her gills and would be much better off with air. Although the Reef was very good I was not as impressed as I'd expected to be. Lots of fish and some nice coral but not the vibrant variations in colour and that I thought I'd see. Still a great day out. Returned to Port Douglas for an evening on the beer. Jean said 'I don't want to be bad'. On Sunday we hired a car and drove to Cairns which was not that exciting really. There is no beach, just a vast mudflat that is not that attractive when the tide is out. On the way back we stopped in at the Croc farm to see some nutter hand feeding this 500kg beast. An awesome display from one mean animal. Back to Port Douglas for an evening on the beer.Jean said 'I don't want to be bad'. We flew home the next day to be met by Horton's Limos and I had about an hour or so to sort myself out before heading on to a 12 hour night shift. Port Douglas is a great place to holiday, go there if you can. Thats it you're up to date now, no more holidays planned just yet but I know that won't last for long. Jean has another week with us and we're taking her to the Olympic Stadium to see State Of Origin 3. Duncan is back out here soon with Andrea and Danielle is out for a trip this week so I can envisage plenty more evenings on the beer. Just for the Poms, I had to scrape frost off my car after the lasy 2 night shifts - Buggar!
